Ed Helms- Underground slang used to describe gentlemen with above-average sized genitalia.
Using the time-tested bread box scale, an Ed Helms skews larger than average, but wouldn’t fit inside said box, just as a large loaf of sourdough bread would have to be rested on top. The term in no way implies any similarities, other than size, between the genitalia and any specific bread loafs, baguette and bread bowl included.
Usually the term is for length only, but on rare occasions, width also applies; there’s no hard-fast rule, but if the person in question can become hard-fast, you measure what’s presented as a courtesy. Measuring tape is preferential to wooden rulers, as they allow for contouring to certain physical limitations of the measured item.
Without evidence (either photographic or eye witness accounts being preferable), a self-boasting proclamation that one swings an Ed Helms should be doubted; this of course depends on the reliability of the boaster. ”It ain’t cocky if it’s true” is a good, pun-intended rule to apply.
Term may bring to mind the successful comedy actor, Edward Paul Helms (1974-) as the term may be derived from his own reproductive organ’s reputation.
In a Sentence: "As a gentleman caller, Trudy, he’s a dud, but as a lover I hear that Zach Smith is hauling a real Ed Helms.”