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Ask a Professional Comedian: Erik Griffin
tehslaphappy asked you:hey Erik, can you teach me how to grow facial? I’ve been trying for a why and I have no luck.
Trust be happy with your baby face, this man hair is constant maintenace its not fun. 
Anonymous asked you:Teezy,If a girl and I get into a difficult situation involving handcuffs and buck naked nudity, Lets say I can’t find the key and need to be home by 11pm (Wife thinks I’m taking the sitter home) do I leave her and call the cops as a “concerned neighbor” or just get the Hell out.
You are a bastard first off! hahaha, I would not want to be in that situation! Since you are already lying to your wife, better keep that lie going and say the car won’t start or there was a thing that happen at the place with the stuff and get to a hardware store. 
Anonymous asked you:Do you smoketh the blunt?
I don’t not drink or smoke. never have.
Anonymous asked you:For Erik Griffin: Would you rather have to punch your face 10 times a day for the rest of your life or only be able to use the bathroom on weekdays? Explain.
Well that’s 5 days out of the week. I will fast on thursday, finish all the bathroom work on friday, hold it during the weekend and tear that toilet up on monday. I can’t be punching this pretty face.
Anonymous asked you:How many headboards have you broken through in your bedroom?
Mental headboards are the way to go.
Anonymous asked you:Eric, I can’t get hard for my ugly Jewish wife. What do I do? Please don’t say divorce her. Her parents are loaded.
Get in touch with other areas of your  sub-conscience to get turned on. Find some role play. You can’t be that shallow, you will never be able to fully enjoy the sexual experience of LOOKS are EVERYTHING. 
insert-naughty-thoughts-here asked you:erik griffin my man!! how hard is it to avoid from acting as Montez in real life around others??
Not hard at all, if you met me you would understand Montez is just a very very small part of my real personality. 
Anonymous asked you:For Erik: how many boogers will you be eating during your standup?
Its unfortunetly a booger free stand up set. 
burger—wolf asked you:Montez, how do you conquer that sting ray coochie?
Confidence and honesty. 
anamericanwerewolf asked you:Question for Erik (Monteezy) Griffin: Why do white people love smoovies so much? I just had one yesterday and it was delicious.
That is one of those secrets of the universe we may never know. But they definetly love those “SMOOVIES”
- - -
Erik Griffin is answering your questions right now! Submit them here, then be sure to watch his Half Hour special tonight at 12a/11c.

How to conquer stingray coochie? What do you do when handcuffs in bed don’t work out the way you hoped? Who needs Wikipedia when you’ve got Ask a Professional Comedian with Erik Griffen?

comedycentral:

Ask a Professional Comedian: Erik Griffin

tehslaphappy asked you:
hey Erik, can you teach me how to grow facial? I’ve been trying for a why and I have no luck.

Trust be happy with your baby face, this man hair is constant maintenace its not fun. 

Anonymous asked you:
Teezy,If a girl and I get into a difficult situation involving handcuffs and buck naked nudity, Lets say I can’t find the key and need to be home by 11pm (Wife thinks I’m taking the sitter home) do I leave her and call the cops as a “concerned neighbor” or just get the Hell out.

You are a bastard first off! hahaha, I would not want to be in that situation! Since you are already lying to your wife, better keep that lie going and say the car won’t start or there was a thing that happen at the place with the stuff and get to a hardware store. 

Anonymous asked you:
Do you smoketh the blunt?

I don’t not drink or smoke. never have.

Anonymous asked you:
For Erik Griffin: Would you rather have to punch your face 10 times a day for the rest of your life or only be able to use the bathroom on weekdays? Explain.

Well that’s 5 days out of the week. I will fast on thursday, finish all the bathroom work on friday, hold it during the weekend and tear that toilet up on monday. I can’t be punching this pretty face.

Anonymous asked you:
How many headboards have you broken through in your bedroom?

Mental headboards are the way to go.

Anonymous asked you:
Eric, I can’t get hard for my ugly Jewish wife. What do I do? Please don’t say divorce her. Her parents are loaded.

Get in touch with other areas of your  sub-conscience to get turned on. Find some role play. You can’t be that shallow, you will never be able to fully enjoy the sexual experience of LOOKS are EVERYTHING. 

insert-naughty-thoughts-here asked you:
erik griffin my man!! how hard is it to avoid from acting as Montez in real life around others??

Not hard at all, if you met me you would understand Montez is just a very very small part of my real personality. 

Anonymous asked you:
For Erik: how many boogers will you be eating during your standup?

Its unfortunetly a booger free stand up set. 

burger—wolf asked you:
Montez, how do you conquer that sting ray coochie?

Confidence and honesty. 

anamericanwerewolf asked you:
Question for Erik (Monteezy) Griffin: Why do white people love smoovies so much? I just had one yesterday and it was delicious.

That is one of those secrets of the universe we may never know. But they definetly love those “SMOOVIES”

- - -

Erik Griffin is answering your questions right now! Submit them here, then be sure to watch his Half Hour special tonight at 12a/11c.

How to conquer stingray coochie? What do you do when handcuffs in bed don’t work out the way you hoped? Who needs Wikipedia when you’ve got Ask a Professional Comedian with Erik Griffen?

Yesterday we talked about how the Workaholics Art Department built the future; today, we want to focus on how the Make Up and Costumers built the people of the future for "The Future is Gnar".

Make Up head Alexei Dmitriew took Maribeth Monroe to his laboratory and sculpted a likeness for decapatational purposes; because if you’re going to chop someone’s head off, it’s gotta look good.  Alexei did this while also juggling turning actors into meth heads into zombies for "In Line", as well as turning our office workers into office cyborgs.  One bad powder coat, and it becomes a bad public access horror movie; instead, we got a believable scary as hell cyborg tour-de-force.  

Costume head Jerry Jaeger then had to find the right look for the office cyborgs, which he nailed down expertly; the real challenge lied in how to dress Queen Alice.  He managed to find an outfit from a famous film (not THAT Avengers…) that gave Alice that sexy-scary hybrid haunt.  It may not have been easy to wear, but it sure made a lot of guys send Maribeth some interesting reads on Twitter.  

That’s official shout outs to Alexei, Jerry, and their team of minions.  There’s still more cast and crew that could be shouted out for their work in "The Future is Gnar", but even a paragraph here couldn’t capture the efforts of all involved.  You think those helicopters flew themselves?  

So thank you, once again, to the best crew in TV for helping Workaholics make one of the most memorable episodes of it’s run. 

Ass salad? Smoovies?  Layin’ the damn tarp down?
#MontezIsNotImpressed
It’s no longer a game.  It’s a creed.  
Not the band that let us keep our arms wide open, but a saying that we should carry into our every day lives.  Whether you’re bending over to get a penny or taking off your pants to repregnatize a loved one, think about ole Tez before you act.  Would he be happy with your set of actions?  Would he want to join you?  Would he be IMPRESSED?
Every step forward you take from this moment on is a gift. A gift of realization that if your actions aren’t even good enough to impress Montez, you’re just sucking air.  Which, just sucks.  
Here’s to being impressive.

Ass salad? Smoovies?  Layin’ the damn tarp down?

#MontezIsNotImpressed

It’s no longer a game.  It’s a creed.  

Not the band that let us keep our arms wide open, but a saying that we should carry into our every day lives.  Whether you’re bending over to get a penny or taking off your pants to repregnatize a loved one, think about ole Tez before you act.  Would he be happy with your set of actions?  Would he want to join you?  Would he be IMPRESSED?

Every step forward you take from this moment on is a gift. A gift of realization that if your actions aren’t even good enough to impress Montez, you’re just sucking air.  Which, just sucks.  

Here’s to being impressive.

The Workaholics Mix Tape - In Line

Have you been waiting in a metaphorical line all day waiting to see what music appeared in the actual line of the Workaholics episode "In Line"?

That’s unfortunate.  Read on to see the dream video game playlist for the episode, and details on how YOU can get the debut comedy album from our Montez himself, Erik Griffin!

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Carlos Ramos captures the essence of Montez’s ass salad pimping pimp hand in another of his fantastic Workaholics character portraits.
The no rules bedroom ruler returns in tomorrow night’s "In Line"; Montez arrives with a typical fury, intense for all intents and purposes.  I wouldn’t want to be caught in his way.
See Tez do what Tez does Wednesday night in an all-new Workaholics at 10/9 CT, only on Comedy Central.

Carlos Ramos captures the essence of Montez’s ass salad pimping pimp hand in another of his fantastic Workaholics character portraits.

The no rules bedroom ruler returns in tomorrow night’s "In Line"; Montez arrives with a typical fury, intense for all intents and purposes.  I wouldn’t want to be caught in his way.

See Tez do what Tez does Wednesday night in an all-new Workaholics at 10/9 CT, only on Comedy Central.

If you love Montez, I’ve got two questions for you—
1) Do you live in the So Cal area and also love Erik Griffin?
2) Are you also a fan of hilarious stand up comedy?
Then stun those birds with one rock this Monday, March 11th at The Laugh Factory to celebrate the release of Erik’s new comedy album, "Technical Foul: Volume 1".
Get tickets at LaughFactory.com or Erik Griffin.com.  
No guarantees he won’t get you pregnant, or, if already pregnant, that he won’t re-pregnatize you.

If you love Montez, I’ve got two questions for you—

1) Do you live in the So Cal area and also love Erik Griffin?

2) Are you also a fan of hilarious stand up comedy?

Then stun those birds with one rock this Monday, March 11th at The Laugh Factory to celebrate the release of Erik’s new comedy album, "Technical Foul: Volume 1".

Get tickets at LaughFactory.com or Erik Griffin.com.  

No guarantees he won’t get you pregnant, or, if already pregnant, that he won’t re-pregnatize you.

From last week’s entry’s, let’s see if anyone could impress Montez.
lesbras: This weekend, I played basketball with a slew of disabled and mentally handicapped people, and may have nailed a half-court fadeaway buzzerbeater to win for the handicapable team. My bad.
#MontezIsNotImpressed.  If anything, he’d be upset you didn’t let them win by 20 points.   Why you even taking the half court shot?  What are you trying to prove?
crash-solar: Spent all weekend catching up on every episode of Workaholics thus far with my roommate… Montez might not be impressed but I’d say it was a weekend well spent.
#MontezIsNotImpressed.  He hates pandering.  But loves having a job, so he’d say continue your endeavors but you do that for you.
indubitably-awesome: My friend and I rode a giant piece of ice down a river and when it sunk we had to swim in 10 degree water and then walk a couple miles in 20 degree weather. Is Montez impressed??
#Montez… Nah, #MontezIsNotImpressed.  You got yourself into that mess.  So it was up to you to get yourself out.  How’d you think it was gonna end?  Well?
Think you can impress Montez?  Send us your wild weekend stories, and we’ll see who stacks up with the “Sky” Walker next Monday.

From last week’s entry’s, let’s see if anyone could impress Montez.

lesbras: This weekend, I played basketball with a slew of disabled and mentally handicapped people, and may have nailed a half-court fadeaway buzzerbeater to win for the handicapable team. My bad.

#MontezIsNotImpressed.  If anything, he’d be upset you didn’t let them win by 20 points.   Why you even taking the half court shot?  What are you trying to prove?

crash-solar: Spent all weekend catching up on every episode of Workaholics thus far with my roommate… Montez might not be impressed but I’d say it was a weekend well spent.

#MontezIsNotImpressed.  He hates pandering.  But loves having a job, so he’d say continue your endeavors but you do that for you.

indubitably-awesome: My friend and I rode a giant piece of ice down a river and when it sunk we had to swim in 10 degree water and then walk a couple miles in 20 degree weather. Is Montez impressed??

#Montez… Nah, #MontezIsNotImpressed.  You got yourself into that mess.  So it was up to you to get yourself out.  How’d you think it was gonna end?  Well?

Think you can impress Montez?  Send us your wild weekend stories, and we’ll see who stacks up with the “Sky” Walker next Monday.