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Ask a Professional Comedian: Erik Griffin
tehslaphappy asked you:hey Erik, can you teach me how to grow facial? I’ve been trying for a why and I have no luck.
Trust be happy with your baby face, this man hair is constant maintenace its not fun. 
Anonymous asked you:Teezy,If a girl and I get into a difficult situation involving handcuffs and buck naked nudity, Lets say I can’t find the key and need to be home by 11pm (Wife thinks I’m taking the sitter home) do I leave her and call the cops as a “concerned neighbor” or just get the Hell out.
You are a bastard first off! hahaha, I would not want to be in that situation! Since you are already lying to your wife, better keep that lie going and say the car won’t start or there was a thing that happen at the place with the stuff and get to a hardware store. 
Anonymous asked you:Do you smoketh the blunt?
I don’t not drink or smoke. never have.
Anonymous asked you:For Erik Griffin: Would you rather have to punch your face 10 times a day for the rest of your life or only be able to use the bathroom on weekdays? Explain.
Well that’s 5 days out of the week. I will fast on thursday, finish all the bathroom work on friday, hold it during the weekend and tear that toilet up on monday. I can’t be punching this pretty face.
Anonymous asked you:How many headboards have you broken through in your bedroom?
Mental headboards are the way to go.
Anonymous asked you:Eric, I can’t get hard for my ugly Jewish wife. What do I do? Please don’t say divorce her. Her parents are loaded.
Get in touch with other areas of your  sub-conscience to get turned on. Find some role play. You can’t be that shallow, you will never be able to fully enjoy the sexual experience of LOOKS are EVERYTHING. 
insert-naughty-thoughts-here asked you:erik griffin my man!! how hard is it to avoid from acting as Montez in real life around others??
Not hard at all, if you met me you would understand Montez is just a very very small part of my real personality. 
Anonymous asked you:For Erik: how many boogers will you be eating during your standup?
Its unfortunetly a booger free stand up set. 
burger—wolf asked you:Montez, how do you conquer that sting ray coochie?
Confidence and honesty. 
anamericanwerewolf asked you:Question for Erik (Monteezy) Griffin: Why do white people love smoovies so much? I just had one yesterday and it was delicious.
That is one of those secrets of the universe we may never know. But they definetly love those “SMOOVIES”
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Erik Griffin is answering your questions right now! Submit them here, then be sure to watch his Half Hour special tonight at 12a/11c.

How to conquer stingray coochie? What do you do when handcuffs in bed don’t work out the way you hoped? Who needs Wikipedia when you’ve got Ask a Professional Comedian with Erik Griffen?

comedycentral:

Ask a Professional Comedian: Erik Griffin

tehslaphappy asked you:
hey Erik, can you teach me how to grow facial? I’ve been trying for a why and I have no luck.

Trust be happy with your baby face, this man hair is constant maintenace its not fun. 

Anonymous asked you:
Teezy,If a girl and I get into a difficult situation involving handcuffs and buck naked nudity, Lets say I can’t find the key and need to be home by 11pm (Wife thinks I’m taking the sitter home) do I leave her and call the cops as a “concerned neighbor” or just get the Hell out.

You are a bastard first off! hahaha, I would not want to be in that situation! Since you are already lying to your wife, better keep that lie going and say the car won’t start or there was a thing that happen at the place with the stuff and get to a hardware store. 

Anonymous asked you:
Do you smoketh the blunt?

I don’t not drink or smoke. never have.

Anonymous asked you:
For Erik Griffin: Would you rather have to punch your face 10 times a day for the rest of your life or only be able to use the bathroom on weekdays? Explain.

Well that’s 5 days out of the week. I will fast on thursday, finish all the bathroom work on friday, hold it during the weekend and tear that toilet up on monday. I can’t be punching this pretty face.

Anonymous asked you:
How many headboards have you broken through in your bedroom?

Mental headboards are the way to go.

Anonymous asked you:
Eric, I can’t get hard for my ugly Jewish wife. What do I do? Please don’t say divorce her. Her parents are loaded.

Get in touch with other areas of your  sub-conscience to get turned on. Find some role play. You can’t be that shallow, you will never be able to fully enjoy the sexual experience of LOOKS are EVERYTHING. 

insert-naughty-thoughts-here asked you:
erik griffin my man!! how hard is it to avoid from acting as Montez in real life around others??

Not hard at all, if you met me you would understand Montez is just a very very small part of my real personality. 

Anonymous asked you:
For Erik: how many boogers will you be eating during your standup?

Its unfortunetly a booger free stand up set. 

burger—wolf asked you:
Montez, how do you conquer that sting ray coochie?

Confidence and honesty. 

anamericanwerewolf asked you:
Question for Erik (Monteezy) Griffin: Why do white people love smoovies so much? I just had one yesterday and it was delicious.

That is one of those secrets of the universe we may never know. But they definetly love those “SMOOVIES”

- - -

Erik Griffin is answering your questions right now! Submit them here, then be sure to watch his Half Hour special tonight at 12a/11c.

How to conquer stingray coochie? What do you do when handcuffs in bed don’t work out the way you hoped? Who needs Wikipedia when you’ve got Ask a Professional Comedian with Erik Griffen?

Montez Back Again, Y’all!

In this week’s "Teenage Mutant Ninja Roommates", the guys go to a pool party housewarming for Montez’s humble new abode.

For both the new and attention-deprived viewers, here now a refresher on one Montez Walker (played to a volume of 11 by the hilarious Erik Griffin) for those not familiar with the Sex-Talking Sales Beast:

  • Montez’s wife, Colleen, is often referred to but has never appeared on camera.  Could this be the episode that marks her debut?
  • Blake entered into the Boy Scout Rule of D’s with Montez (and Montez Junior) in Season 1’s “We Be Ballin’”.  Might Montez Junior, the cello champion, have words with Blake over their chance encounter?
  • Montez has talked about needing a garage fridge in "Temp-Tress" for all the game he be bringing home; mostly venison, but still.  What other recreational devices are lying around the Walker homestead, backyard, and garage?
  • Tarp sighting, anyone?  Gotta get washed off somewhere, somehow.  Laying the tarp down is one thing, tarp maintenance is another.
  • What exactly lead to Montez’s new digs?  Was he excited at a new living opportunity… or was he trying to get away from something?  Something that followed him.  Something… inhuman (SPOILER: This has nothing to do with the episode, but it is Halloween, so we wanted to throw in something spooky).

No matter what happens, we know Montez won’t hesitate to tell the guys what’s on his mind.  Tune in to Comedy Central this Tuesday at 10:30/9:30 CT for the premiere of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Roommates" and hear the news for yourself.

INTRODUCING…

Montez’s All American Ride.  He won it at the mall by guessing it’s weight.

A car this powerful can’t get speeding tickets; diplomatic immunity.  It parks wherever it wants, regardless of street cleaning.  You want a ride?  Better say the pledge of allegiance.  Twice.  Don’t even make us tell you to wipe your feet.

Hopefully Montez’s queen, Colleen, lets him keep it as his work car; hate to see a power ride like this be shunted to the garage as a “special events vehicle.”