THE SHART HALL OF FAME

As a part of Shart Week, we’re recognizing some of the all time great sharters by immortalizing them in our Shart Hall of Fame.

Our final entrant is perhaps our most deserving.  We’ve already acknowledged his contributions to Shart media and awareness, but saved his actual induction for last.  The champ always goes on last, after all.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman is not just the Jackie Robinson of Shart culture; he may be the Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Cy Young, and Barry Bonds all rolled into one, then sharted out the back of the classiest pair of pants you’ve ever worn.

Mr. Hoffman not only drinks for free during Shart Week, he owns the bar.

Mr. Hoffman sharts in the woods, and there’s no one around? We not only hear it, we feel it. Might even smell it, depending on what he ate. That smell? Roses.

If there was an asteroid on a trajectory to collide with Earth, and once it hit all life from this planet was extinguished, then a millenium later an alien culture discovered the last existing fragment of Earth floating through the dark recesses of space, that fragment would probably be a flash drive containing Mr. Hoffman’s shart scene in Along Came Polly. Seventeen percent chance it actually contains the whole movie. Five percent chance it contains his entire filmography.

The point is, Mr. Hoffman isn’t just the last inductee to the Shart Hall of Fame; he IS the Shart Hall of Fame. The PSH Remembrance Wing will not only feature Mr. Hoffman’s Hall of Fame plaque, bust, and memorabilia, but a living museum dedicated to all shart culture. Admission will be free.

So Mr. Hoffman, you go ahead and treat any fart like it’s Shart Week.  Hell, you treat Shart Week any way you want.  

We couldn’t have done it without you.

THE SHART HALL OF FAME: MARATHON RUNNERS 

As a part of Shart Week, we’re recognizing some of the all time great sharters by immortalizing them in our Shart Hall of Fame.

Our next inductees are a large group, but certainly a deserving one.  Today, we welcome Marathon runners into the Shart Hall of Fame.  

Marathon runners are a different breed of athlete. What distinguishes them the most from other athletes (other than basketball players) is that they don’t wear pants. In fact, they wear really tiny shorts. These are great for mobility and ventilation, but really, really bad when it comes to sharting. 

Most serious marathon runners compete in marathons in order to set records or qualify for an even bigger or more important marathon. It is for this reason that if and when a shart occurs they can’t simply stop and clean up and join the race again. Instead, much to the horror of all the spectators, they just keep on running. In fact, marathoners who’ve sharted have actually gone on to win the Boston, London and New York marathons along with Olympic medals.

It takes a lot of guts and training and sacrifice to run a marathon. Elite marathoners are almost superhuman. But only the bravest and most elite of all can shart during a marathon and still win.

So as they strive for the finish line, and feel an inner fire that is anything but their burning desire, rest assured they know to treat every fart, like it’s Shart Week.

THE SHART HALL OF FAME

As a part of Shart Week, we’re recognizing some of the all time great sharters by immortalizing them in ouShart Hall of Fame.

Our next inductee is also our biggest, and he certainly makes a giant-sized imprint on shart history.  Yes, today we raise our door frames and reinforce the stage to induct the all-time legend ANDRE THE GIANT.

Stories of Mr. Giant’s feats of strength, eating, drinking, and yes, sharting, are legendary.  They’ve taken on mythic qualities, from how many 12 fluid-ounce beers he consumed in one sitting (stories range anywhere from 117 to 156) to how much he could lift (stories range from a car, to a car full of local idiots who tried to fight a guy name “Giant”).

These stories alone could be enough to gain Mr. Giant into any Hall of Fame (he was inducted into WWE’s Hall in 1993), but there’s one in particular that clinches his place in ours.

Shortly before his death in 1993, Mr. Giant was involved in a 6-man tag match in Mexico City.  Mr. Giant, who had felt sick all day, was in the ring with Bad News Brown (coincidentally, a pretty solid nickname for the incident).  He tossed Bad News into the corner and followed it up with a big back splash; at that moment, sickness overtook him, and unleashed worse news on Bad News in the form of a Giant-sized Shart.

Now, the video attached is not that incident… but it does give one the sense of what a human being would suffer if they were on the wrong end of a Hall of Fame-sized shart attack.

Welcome, Mr. Giant, make yourself comfortable.  While you sit on your king-size throne (not that kind) and reminisce with the other greats, we hope any rumbling in your stomach from a you-sized feast reminds you of one thing—

Treat every fart, like it’s Shart Week.

                               THE SHART HALL OF FAME

As a part of Shart Week, we’re recognizing some of the all time great sharters by immortalizing them in our Shart Hall of Fame.

Our first inductee is a no-brainer first ballot entry; former Kansas City Royals great George Brett.  Once known for his dynamic play at third base, his 13 All-Star appearances, and the pine tar incident, Brett is now fondly remembered for a sticky incident of a whole different caliber.  

The fourth link to come up when you Google his name, the attached video doubles as both Mr. Brett’s nomination reel and acceptance speech into our illustrious Hall.

Mr. Brett now ads his membership in the Shart Hall of Fame to his Baseball Hall of Fame immortality; while he only got 98.2% of the vote to qualify him for his first ballot entry into theirs, we assure you he got the clean 100% for ours.

And judging from Mr. Brett’s story, clean may be a whole new feeling for the man they call “Mullet”.

So when Mr. Brett’s rounding home, and his pants are full of foam, we hope he remembers—

Treat every fart like it’s Shart Week.

The Shart Hall of Fame

Cooperstown this ain’t.

This week, four inductees will be immortalized as the inaugural class of the Shart Hall of Fame. Quite simply, this will be their greatest accomplishment, even if they’ve had kids, or a restaurant named a sandwich after them.

Historians will look back at their time on this planet as the era before they were Shart Hall of Famers, and the era after. The era after will be tremendous. Even if they’re already dead. It’s that good. We’re talking first paragraph of the obituary impact.

Like any Hall of Fame, our discussions were not without great debate and controversy. No matter how much we fought over a nominee, we tried to stick to a simple, by-the-numbers criteria that some OTHER Hall of Fames might want to consider the next time they’re looking at a new class.

There were two questions we asked whenever a name entered into the Shart Hall of Fame conversation—

-Have they sharted?
-Did that shart resonate in society, so much so that you can’t think of that person WITHOUT thinking of that historic shart?

So there you have it. We’ll be announcing our FIRST Shart Hall of Famer this afternoon.

They have not been notified prior to the announcement of their induction, so we’ll all share the joy with the excited new SHOF’ers together. Their lives will never be the same, and quite frankly, neither will ours.

Welcome to SHART WEEK!

In promotion with Comedy Central’s “#SNARKWEEK, we here at the Workaholics tumblr believe the truest form of snark is not listening to your bosses.  Hence, we’ll be celebrating SHART WEEK all week long!

As a part of Shart Week, we’ll be bringing you all sorts of shart related content, such as:

  • Personal shart attack survival stories from the Workaholics Cast & Crew
  • Wordaholics - Shart brings you the definitive meaning of the word; as well as a clear understanding on how to use it in a sentence
  • Shart-related pics, videos, and GIFS
  • Numerous shart related puns
  • Can you snark about a shark who sharts? We’ll find out!  

Then, perhaps the most anticipated Shart Week content of all…

  • The first inductees to the SHART HALL OF FAME~!

We’ll also still have plenty of Workaholics behind-the-scenes looks and news for you throughout the week. But, until then—

Treat every fart like it’s Shart Week.