Yelpless: A state or condition in which one is without access to social media, leaving them unable to research life-or-death info, like if the Denver Omelette at Jose’s is really “the best in the state”.
Being without Yelp, Facebook, Foursquare, or Twitter, among others, can leave a person without information they never realized they needed. What time does the Chipotle by the airport close? Is the Best Western off the 210 pet friendly? How’s the talent at Jumbo’s on a Tuesday? Which direction is East?
Worst of all, being Yelpless leaves a person unable to info-blast their friends and acquaintances with news and photos of what they’re doing at any given moment. How are your buds supposed to believe you sat at a table next to Ryan Gosling unless you have proof? What, they’re supposed to trust your word as a human being? Save that for the 80s.
If you find yourself with no bars, no charger, or worst of all, no cell phone, fret not. Find the closest non-biker looking person and ask to borrow theirs. Explain your situation; you just need to see if that burger place uses animal fat to cook their sweet potato fries.
If they’re humans, they’ll hand over the device for a hot five; then, once you’ve completed the task, buy them a chai latte as a thanks. And remember; one day you may be able to help a person in need. A person without hope. A person without internet access.
Someone who’s completely Yelpless.
In a Sentence: “Last weekend was the worst, we were driving through the mountains and got pretty hungry when we came upon this farmstand so I went to check if the service was up to par, but I didn’t have any reception, so we walked in completely Yelpless; turns out, it was just an abandoned shack!”